It’s all About the Fake Tan



Tanned Shins



After what I considered a rather poor opening Summer Cross Round One at Keighley, I rolled up at Tod - for already the second time this year - a little deflated.  By now, all the anger and frustrations from the other week had ebbed, and the promises I had made myself had gone by the by… However, I had managed to fake tan my shins.



Being an amply proportioned gentleman in a bicycle racing environment, populated by super skinny fit wheeled gazelle like creatures, who effortlessly pedal/run rapidly up hill and down dale… seemingly all day long, I usually spend most of my time riddled with paranoia! 



Tanned Shins in Action



Slow…  Unfit…  Beer belly…  Muffin top…  Too short…  Too tall…  Too hairy…  Not hairy enough??  The list goes on.  But it’s my pasty shins that cause me the most misery.  So, fake tanned up to the max I rallied myself to the line and got ready for the cobbles.

What can I say but the fake tan worked.  I was 4% better!  My contemporaries must have been dazzled to the point of apathy by my bristling freshly bronzed shins!!  I’ll never go un-fake tanned ever again.

Another day… Another lesson learned.